Monday, 24 October 2016

My overtly dramatic life without Facebook: Day Two

What a surprise to find that a few of you actually still have little old me on your blog feeds! I'm honoured (and extremely grateful that I survived any mass culls of dormant blog spaces). Having said that, I do pride myself on being the Winona Ryder of the blog world - I always bounce back (boredom depending)..... and here I am. Anywho, it was nice of you to stop by; though I always read your blogs so it almost feels like I never went anywhere.

So ... moving on to day two without Facebook. I'd love to divulge some hyperbolic statement about how I rolled over this morning, finger poised on the Facebook app ready to start my morning routine but I'd be lying. Realistically, I haven't missed it one bit. I instinctively went to open the app once today, thought to be honest I think it was more accidental thinking it was Twitter. Feel free to believe what you wish; whichever option proves to be the source of the most gripping drama.

I'm also pleased/worried/disappointed that a grand total of 0 'friends' appear to have noticed my absence. Clearly I am overwhelmed with pure joy knowing just how much I bring to their lives. I've been careful not to engage in any Facebook related conversation, eradicating the need to blurt out that, in a fit of pure mental delusion, I removed myself from the cyber party. That'd go down well. I can almost visualise the blank expressions now. Besides, surely telling people goes against the whole 'I'm not an attention seeking prick' scenario. No, that's not me. I'm very much a 'stealthily slip out of an open window under the cover of darkness' kind of guy..... notice I purposely left out the 'and most likely break my neck' portion of that analogy.

Life goes on though as is ever the case. I'm not sure what I expected to be honest. A barrage of text messages questioning my disappearance? A sudden life affirming notion of my purpose here on earth? Peasants weeping at my door? Who knows. None of those things have happened though. Yet.

One thing I do know is that there is definitely some kind of 'check Facebook' habit instilled somewhere deep inside. Much like an ex-smoker chewing on a biro, I have this constant urge to open blue coloured apps. It doesn't matter what they are ... my brain just needs them to be blue. Not that I'm complaining - so far today I've perused my toothbrushing habits over the past year via an Oral B app I never knew I had (21st century problems when our bloody toothbrushes are linked to our phones!), practically stalked the app store, attacked Twitter to the point it now struggles to keep up and established that I can get a hot dog half price at Odeon (provided it's before November 5th) thanks to O2 priority.

Quite productive if I do say so myself.

Maybe tomorrow will see some form of 'Facebookless' mental breakdown? I'm hoping so ... it's great blog material.

If said breakdown does materialise, I have a sneaking suspicion that it may be related to extreme withdrawals from Karen in Finance's nightly dinner plan updates. I've never uttered more than a passing 'hello' in real life but seriously, I miss that shit - did she end up using the surplus mange-touts from Saturday's pork stir fry? I'm on the edge of my seat just thinking about it.

I may have to ask around tomorrow....


Steve Reed said...

A mental breakdown would indeed be very Winona Ryder. (Didn't she have one, many years ago?) Just don't start shoplifting.

I'm curious how your removal from Facebook squares with your participation in Twitter. Is Facebooking any more "wired" than Tweeting? Know what I mean?

Lesley UK said...

I've just found your blog. That's all for now.

e said...

Well, in addition to deserting Facebook, you also seem to have deserted your blog, I'm sorry to see.