Forgotten times and gameshows.

I feel ultra cosy tonight. Nothing special, just cosier than usual. Maybe it's because I've finally started to feel caught up at work or simply because it's the only moment today in which I've been able to sit down and chill? Who knows; all I know is that I'm cosy and that shall be my word of the night.

Today was the dreaded 'Weakest Link' themed gameshow afternoon at work. We do it every year just before September (our busiest period due to the schools going back). I'm presuming that other countries have some form of The Weakest Link? Most of these successful gameshows tend to be exported to death so I'll presume you've probably heard of it. It's meant to be a kind of morale boosting exercise whilst also providing an opportunity for the customer service agents to brush up on their knowledge. It's also great for the newly recruited temps to mingle with the permanent staff. It's a always a huge success and the guys love it but my god, it takes so much planning. I've been organising it for what seems like weeks and, gratuitous whinging aside, that's easier said than done whilst also trying to the run the Customer Service Department with most of the other managers off. Needless to say, I donned my Johnny Cash attire, channelled the acid tongue of Anne Robinson and fun was had by all. I'm kind of jealous of the first place prize though - a cow shaped milk jug (not as random as it seems as we work with dairies). I almost stole it for myself.

We still have a few days left before the dreaded September where we all become slaves to the wage from 7am to 7pm so I'm going to force myself into making sure that we're fully caught up and ready. Thinking about it, I suppose it's our version of retail's Christmas after all.

Adam has just been given a promotion so no sooner had I got in this evening that we had to venture into the city to purchase some new work clothes. No rest for the wicked. Despite my insistence that he has enough clothes to open a GAP, he was adamant that he wanted something more 'managerial'. He cracks me up sometimes. As per tradition, I wandered around the other shops whilst he busied himself with clothes; bought myself a coffee and grabbed a brand new office chair that was luckily on offer in ASDA (of all places). I'm resting the old derrière on it now and I have to say, it's quite comfortable for the price. Wonders never cease as to what supermarkets will start selling next.

One of my best friends from back home (Alysha), sent me a message yesterday informing me that her cousin Marie had found an old bible in their attic full of old photos. Marie bought her house from my Nan after my Great Uncle passed away a few years ago. It had been in my family since it was built; first home to my Great Grandad before my Great Uncle. She is currently in the process of renovating it before selling and came across the find in the far corner of one of the attics. I asked Alysha to send me a couple of photos with her phone so I could see what they were of and preempt my Dad and Nan before collecting them from her. It looks as though they are from the turn of the century (1900-1925 ish) but I have no idea who the photos are of. My guess is that the little girl is most likely my Nan on her Dad's knee. As for the other photo, I have no idea who the ladies are and, strangely, the bible is addressed to a Phyllis White. I personally have never heard of a Phyllis White but that means nothing in my family. To this date, my Nan has never ever spoken of her mother and a quick call to my Dad confirmed that his Grandmother has never been mentioned to him either. He told me to go ahead and take the stuff to my Nan but he warned me to tread carefully as he isn't sure how she will react if any of it relates to her Mum. He suspects that she may not even admit it and try to pass it off as someone else's photos - obviously this is impossible as my family have been the only ones in the house previously. I know that it's a sensitive subject but I really want to know what happened with my Great Grandparents - how sad would it be if my Nan took that to the grave with her? I have a fantastic relationship with my Nan so I'm hoping she'll open up to me. Fingers crossed. I'm extremely interested to know who the soldier is in the second photo. I'm pretty sure that it must be World War I and that looks like an African uniform, maybe Egypt? To my knowledge, I've never heard of any family members fighting in the Great War so that would be quite the revelation. To be honest, I don't think that many men returned from that war at all; such a sad time for many English families.

Now, after that short history lesson and the stresses of the day, I'm all showered up and ready to hit the hay. I generally detest sleep as I feel as though I'm wasting the precious night but I have to admit that I'm extremely excited to finally get some rest. The waking up early part has not even crossed my mind yet so I'll bid you all a fond farewell before I give that sickening thought any time to manifest.

God natt alla! (as they'd say in good ol' Sweden)

In-Laws.

I have been so stressed and anxious lately. It's an accumulation of things - silly things really but they must be of some substance in order to get to me so much.

The in-laws have been extremely trying. I've always gotten along fine with Adam's mum, step dad and sister - my contact with them is somewhat limited (maybe that provides an explanation) but we're always pleasant and exchange small gifts on birthdays and Christmas. His Dad and step mum are nice, though his Dad is one of those people that takes what seems like a small life time to explain the simplest of things.

Recently, Adam's step dad was admitted to hospital as the result of a stroke. He lost the ability to walk and, initially, he could not really speak but fortunately, his recovery has been pretty good as of late. I've met the man on a handful of occasions - I do not know too much about the ins and outs of his family but I'm aware that his mum left his dad for another man when the children were young. Adam has been doing his bit and visiting Rob in hospital but unbeknownst to myself, his mum has been quietly fuming over the fact that I apparently have not done enough. She has been somewhat nasty towards Adam over the past few days and now, it transpires, is that it is all because she feels I haven't 'been there' for Rob. No-one has spoken to me about it or asked my opinion until two days ago when Adam's sister sent quite a scathing text message to him outlining how selfish I am.

I won't lie, it both shocked and upset me so much so that I haven't really slept much for a few days. I drafted a long message explaining how I felt about the whole thing and mulled it over for several hours before finally plucking up the courage to send it to his sister. I didn't really expect a reply despite the message being both polite and factual ..... and I was right, still no reply. Katie is a keyboard warrior, quick to shoot her mouth off but never has the courage to address the consequences. I was so angry that a) I was being made out to be a selfish, thoughtless person when clearly I am not and b) that I was being dragged into another family's drama that I do not even see myself as part of. I have my own family to contend with without the petty squabbles of another. To cut a long story short, I've told her to get their mum to speak directly to me if it is affecting her that much instead of making mountains out of mole hills.

What gets to me the most is the fact they know how affected I was by my mum's illness whilst in hospital before she died yet there is no trace of understanding from them whatsoever. It is ridiculous just how much courage and preparation it takes to get me inside a hospital for just ten minutes - I'll never even forgive myself for not managing to visit my own Nan when she had a hip operation a few years ago but my family knew and they understood. I'm pathetic and broken and it frustrates me to the point that you would not even understand, yet that is something I have to deal with and the constant negativity of others just makes it harder. Despite having only met Rob on a handful of occasions, I have shown my full support and I believed that to be enough when it is someone that I do not even really know! Silly me for thinking that I was required to be at everyone's beckon call at all times. If my Dad's girlfriend was suddenly hospitalised, I wouldn't expect Adam to be there every waking minute. I think I need to stop as I'm starting to sound like the thoughtless person they're making me out to be.

We'll see what happens as I refuse to stoop to a childish level over it but if I'm honest, I'd rather stay out of their way as they have a natural poisonous negativity around them at the best of times and I'd rather not be affected by it. I just don't understand how people can be so quick to form conclusions and throw around pointless accusations without stopping to put things into perspective - wouldn't their energy be better channelled into Rob's welfare? I was raised to love everyone until they give you reason not to love them, to attempt to understand others as they're all fighting the same hard battles as yourself and to be attentive to the feelings of others. I guess I've failed on the second one - I really do not understand their views.

In-laws ay? Who'd have them?