My overtly dramatic life without Facebook: Day Two

What a surprise to find that a few of you actually still have little old me on your blog feeds! I'm honoured (and extremely grateful that I survived any mass culls of dormant blog spaces). Having said that, I do pride myself on being the Winona Ryder of the blog world - I always bounce back (boredom depending)..... and here I am. Anywho, it was nice of you to stop by; though I always read your blogs so it almost feels like I never went anywhere.

So ... moving on to day two without Facebook. I'd love to divulge some hyperbolic statement about how I rolled over this morning, finger poised on the Facebook app ready to start my morning routine but I'd be lying. Realistically, I haven't missed it one bit. I instinctively went to open the app once today, thought to be honest I think it was more accidental thinking it was Twitter. Feel free to believe what you wish; whichever option proves to be the source of the most gripping drama.

I'm also pleased/worried/disappointed that a grand total of 0 'friends' appear to have noticed my absence. Clearly I am overwhelmed with pure joy knowing just how much I bring to their lives. I've been careful not to engage in any Facebook related conversation, eradicating the need to blurt out that, in a fit of pure mental delusion, I removed myself from the cyber party. That'd go down well. I can almost visualise the blank expressions now. Besides, surely telling people goes against the whole 'I'm not an attention seeking prick' scenario. No, that's not me. I'm very much a 'stealthily slip out of an open window under the cover of darkness' kind of guy..... notice I purposely left out the 'and most likely break my neck' portion of that analogy.

Life goes on though as is ever the case. I'm not sure what I expected to be honest. A barrage of text messages questioning my disappearance? A sudden life affirming notion of my purpose here on earth? Peasants weeping at my door? Who knows. None of those things have happened though. Yet.

One thing I do know is that there is definitely some kind of 'check Facebook' habit instilled somewhere deep inside. Much like an ex-smoker chewing on a biro, I have this constant urge to open blue coloured apps. It doesn't matter what they are ... my brain just needs them to be blue. Not that I'm complaining - so far today I've perused my toothbrushing habits over the past year via an Oral B app I never knew I had (21st century problems when our bloody toothbrushes are linked to our phones!), practically stalked the app store, attacked Twitter to the point it now struggles to keep up and established that I can get a hot dog half price at Odeon (provided it's before November 5th) thanks to O2 priority.

Quite productive if I do say so myself.

Maybe tomorrow will see some form of 'Facebookless' mental breakdown? I'm hoping so ... it's great blog material.

If said breakdown does materialise, I have a sneaking suspicion that it may be related to extreme withdrawals from Karen in Finance's nightly dinner plan updates. I've never uttered more than a passing 'hello' in real life but seriously, I miss that shit - did she end up using the surplus mange-touts from Saturday's pork stir fry? I'm on the edge of my seat just thinking about it.

I may have to ask around tomorrow....

Deactivating Facebook

Wow.

So I haven't updated for 2 whole years? I believe I've well and truly smashed the record for my own personal blogging hiatus.

I opened the browser on my desktop Mac for the first time in forever and saw that this little old slice of Interwebs was still saved to the favourites bar ... and here I am. It's probably the ideal moment to be honest (fate is mysterious and all that jazz) as I finally took the plunge and deactivated my Facebook account tonight.

It wasn't really anything dramatic and definitely not a life-affirming decision but I watched the first episode of the new series of Black Mirror last night (check it out, it's ace) and it started the ball rolling in my brain.

Facebook has been giving me some pretty negative thoughts as of late. I was sitting there the other night with a cup of tea after work, scrolling through the endless pages of pure shite and I suddenly realised that if I judged some of my 'friends' purely on the content they post online, I would definitely not still be in touch. It's strange just how many people you know and like in real life come across as complete attention-seeking cyber idiots. I thought about how the statuses they post affect how I interact with them in real life and just how much they aid in shaping my opinion. This was more apparent when it came to work colleagues - seemingly innocuous exchanges during the day revealed themselves in more dramatic context via cryptic memes and 'time for a heavy drink' oriented statuses. I would then carry this into work and handle them slightly more delicately than maybe I would have done had I not seen their midnight cries for attention. Putting it simply; my exposure to social media affected my day to day actions.

Humans are chameleons. We are able to filter and alter our exchanges based on those present, to adapt to the current situation. How chaotic would the world be if all of our thoughts were on display 24/7? Social media removes this ability. A generalised blanket comment is made and EVERYONE sees it, thus allowing them to form their own opinions and twist their own perspectives. You lose complete control when it comes to a) knowing who has digested the information and b) what their opinion may be. I'm interested in understanding what life without Facebook is like (even if only for a short time) and whether it causes me to look at anything differently. Will I spend less time thinking about whether the current moment is 'share worthy' and focus on it's enjoyment? Will it cause me to converse directly more and share more of an interest in my friends' lives? Will people make the effort to converse more with me? Will I take less photos (probably not)? More to the point, will I start to take people on face value once again?

Even if my little experiment has little to no impact, I'm sure a welcome break from baby photos and random dinner plans will do me good. Whatever will I do to fill my time?

I doubt anyone still reads this; it's more for my own documentation more than anything else. To me, personal blogs are the internet's safe haven - wholesome slices of intelligent conversation without the need for ratings or likes. No real life connections and no danger of personal judgements or comparisons...... well, for most that is.

But if you do happen to wander by, I hope you are well and if anyone out there has undergone a similar experiment of their own, I'd LOVE to hear about it! I really don't think I'll even last the week but here goes....

Tumultuous.

I love that sound.

The sound of total silence that signals the end of the working week. Boy did I long for it this week - it has been pure hell.

I came home late last night, wanting nothing more than a shower and a duvet, only to find that Adam had invited friends over before a night on the town. Don't get me wrong, I love a good party as much as the next person but I usually like to be given a head's up. Oh, and preferably not midweek. Being ever polite, I said hi to the few that had already arrived, cooked my tea and headed on upstairs. Next thing I know, I'm being harassed by drunken people, running up and down the stairs shouting 'Hi Wayne'. I don't even know these people and it riled me. Anyway, a few harsh words have been exchanged between us over the past day and I've been chastised for being anti-social ever since. I can live with that; after all, it wouldn't be far wrong. We can't all be the same - there isn't enough solitude to go around us all.

Amidst the chaos, work has made me chuckle somewhat today. There is something about a frantic period that brings colleagues together. You're all suffering the same way and it's as if you all search for common ground. That common ground is almost always humour. I've spoken with clueless dinner ladies, scatty school business managers, angry parents and I even found myself trying to convince a child to pass the phone to their 'mummy'. Though tiring tumultuous and unrelenting, the humour always manages to shine through. I'm exhausted yet I'm happy - life could be worse.

Adam has the weekend off and, provided we actually start communicating, it will be spent recharging, forcing out this nasty head cold and hopefully grabbing a nice relaxed coffee or two in town. I really should start thinking about going down to Cambridge to see my Dad - he turned 60 last week and I haven't seen him in a while. I do worry about him down there on his own but from what I've heard, he is starting to get back into his old social routine that was left behind when he met his last partner. I've said it countless times but I really do think that leaving her was one of the best things he has ever done - it's just a shame that it caused such a major upheaval in his life (moving back, buying a new house etc etc). I do hate the fact that I live so far away and I've always said that I would move back down south in a heartbeat but it isn't just my life I'm affecting any more, there's Adam's and therefore by default, his family's. Who knows, maybe someday?

I have time I guess and, for now, life is good.

Today happened.

My predictions were correct - today was what can only be described as 'a right 'mare'.

As soon as I got into work, people pounced with inane questions (most of which they could have answered themselves) and my inbox was crammed. Top it off with ridiculous arguments between team members, countless HR issues and directors requesting stats with an hour's notice. Every time I'm feeling down, I remind myself that there are countless people out there who would kill to have a job right now and suddenly, it all seems that bit easier. I'm lucky, really lucky.

I also think I'm coming down with something. My throat feels like a meat grinder and some little red bumps have appeared at the back of my mouth. Add to that the lack of air getting through my nose and occasional light headedness and you pretty much have the full picture. Just my luck; I NEVER get ill. Never.

God I'm whingey and whiney tonight. Bore off Wayne.

With the few hours I've had to myself this evening, I've perused Ebay and purchased some more Bath and Bodyworks pocket bacs. I'm obsessed with hand sanitizers (I have them everywhere - work, the car, kitchen, bathroom) and I've been meaning to see what autumnal ones I could get my hands on for a while now. It's so frustrating as the ones I want are normally unavailable and you can't buy Bath and Bodyworks for love nor money in the UK. I almost flipped when I saw some for sale in Egypt of all places. You'd think that they had managed to get to our shores by now.

Anyway, on that note I'm going to double check that I've done everything I was meant to do, hop on up to bed and pray that my throat isn't any worse in the morning. Sod's law ay? What an irritating concept.

Back to school.

(The sky was mesmerising this evening)

Today wasn't as bad as anticipated. Yes, the phones were busy and yes, I was on my feet a lot of the time but I don't feel too exhausted. In fact, it felt like more of a 'oh, where's the time gone?' rather than 'god, this day is dragging'. To be honest, I'm expecting tomorrow and Wednesday to be sheer hell as that is when the majority of schools return. 

A few people have commented lately asking what my job is - well I'm customer service manager for the company that provides a certain cow-based product to all UK educational establishments (that was my poor attempt at being cryptic in order to avoid the company's Google alerts). I'm sure it's clear enough for you clever people. Either way, all you need to know is that term time is busy, busy, busy.

I came home slightly earlier than planned to find Adam fretting over the fact that he appears to have spent more than usual on the weekly shop. Personally, I don't get the big deal as long as it isn't over £100 or something but I'm kind of particular over what brands I prefer. I'm all for saving but if it tastes like crap then I'd rather pay more for something I'll enjoy. Adam, however, isn't quite like that and he constantly tries to trick me into going to Lidl or Aldi or suchlike. Over my dead body - those places are warehouses for the walking dead. I really don't want to have to Google my food in order to figure out what it is....

I'm determined to get a good night's sleep tonight if it's the last thing I do. I was woken ridiculously early this morning by the mother-in-law having a small panic attack over picking up Skye for the day. When we're both at work, Caroline often looks after her (if she had her way, she'd have her all the time) but she usually manages to turn it into a bigger deal than it actually is. The plan this morning was that she was going to come and get her around 10 o'clock after I'd gone to work. No such luck; she tried to rearrange plans and when I told her that it would be okay and that I'd just check on her at lunch instead, she started getting anxious and in the end cancelled her 'appointment' and came to pick her up. The mind boggles but it was definitely a waste of 30 minutes, I'll tell you that much.

And so, our beloved hound is still at Caroline's, my lunch is prepared and it's now cool enough to sleep comfortably with the windows closed. So help me god - I will sleep well tonight!